February 15, 2025

The Price of Nice

“Just be nice”. How many times have you heard these three words? Said these three words? Told yourself these three words?

But these three little words can be very costly: They can cost you your peace and your power. They can lead to burnout and resentment and even undermine your confidence.

The Price of Nice

Being nice is often rooted in people-pleasing—making sure others are comfortable, happy, and approve of you—often at the expense of your own needs.

Being nice can also stem from a desire to avoid conflict—being overly accommodating, agreeable, or self-sacrificing to avoid disappointing or upsetting others.

Being nice can be dangerous when it comes from a place of people-pleasing or conflict avoidance because it often means prioritizing others over your own well-being.

How does this show up?

· Constantly saying “yes” even when we want or need to say “no”.

· Maintaining harmony at all costs

· Prioritizing other’s happiness

· Shying away from difficult conversations

· Allowing others to make decisions for us

· Having weak or insufficient boundaries

· Giving more than we receive.

· Holding back our opinions

· Failing to stand up for ourselves.

What is the cost?

· Being trapped in a cycle of people-pleasing, conflict avoidance, and self-sacrifice.

· Overcommitment, exhaustion, and resentment.

· Losing yourself when you are trying to please everyone else.

· Being overworked, overlooked, and undervalued.

· Inability to express your authentic thoughts and feelings.

· Silencing your voice and others taking advantage of that silence.

What choices do a “Nice Person” have?

Choose Kind. The antidote to being nice is not being rude. The solution is kindness with boundaries. Kindness is rooted in strength and care and allows you to show up for others without abandoning yourself.

How to Choose Kind

Be assertive instead of agreeable – You can be kind and stand up for yourself at the same time
Choose to be authentic instead of accommodating – Express your true thoughts and feelings rather than just saying what you think is expected.
Demonstrate courage instead of compliance – Take risks, speak up.
Generate respect instead of passivity –Treat others with dignity while honoring your needs without silence, submission or shrinking into the background.
Practice Saying No: Start with small refusals, and remember that you are not obligated to meet all expectations at the expense of your own well-being.
Embrace Conflict as Growth – Disagreements don’t mean you’re unkind; express your opinions and share your perspective.
Set and Enforce Boundaries – Communicate your limits clearly and stick to them. Protecting your peace isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.
Use Your Voice with Confidence – Speak up. State your needs. Advocate for yourself. The more you do it, the more natural it becomes.

This seems so strange.

Stepping away from “Being Nice” may feel uncomfortable at first, but it is an essential step towards empowerment. The key to kindness is taking care of yourself and choosing to care for others. Releasing the need to “Just Be Nice” does not make you unlikeable. It makes you respected.

Kindness can be a strength—not a burden—and can enrich your life and the lives of those around you without depleting yourself in the process.

Remember, kindness always starts with yourself. Choose Kind – first to yourself and then to others. Our relationship with ourselves is our most precious relationship, and it will last our entire lifetime. Cherish yourself.

Don’t be Nice – Choose to be Kind

HI THERE, I’M Kimberly Lorah

I'm a compassionate divorce coach based in Asbury Park, NJ, serving clients virtually near and far. I help women navigate divorce with courage, strengthening resilience and empowering them to embrace their next chapter with peace of mind.

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HI THERE, I’M Kimberly Lorah

I'm a compassionate divorce coach based in Asbury Park, NJ, serving clients in person in Monmouth County and virtually near and far. I help people navigate divorce with courage, strengthen resilience and empowerment to embrace their the next chapters with hope and optimism.